im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
