and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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