Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
COCAINE IS GR8
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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