i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
