the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
