how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
