i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
