awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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