I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
