I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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