My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
