i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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