my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize