I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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