I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
