So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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