Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
