I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize