Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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