Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
