I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
