Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
