This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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