i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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