You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
