Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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