i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
