Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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