Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
