the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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