cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Someone signed my nipple.
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