God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Less talking, more tequila
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE