Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
