Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
