I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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