dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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