there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
