Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Alive.
So much puke
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
