I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
