i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
