gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
