If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
