There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
