what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
