I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
