the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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