haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
