Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
where are my eyebrows?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
