Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
