she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
