Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
