Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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