If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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