my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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