Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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