I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
