508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
