she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
