Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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