Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
