now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
