i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
