me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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