so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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