I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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