Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
