I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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