mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
