No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
