Need sex. Gaining weight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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