Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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