How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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