she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
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I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
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I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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