Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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