i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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