I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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