Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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