Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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