youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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