My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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