you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
